WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold, powerful statement to oppose Trump, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi solemnly tore up the Bible after Trump was seen holding one up in front of a church.
At a press conference, the Speaker of the House held up a Bible and then ripped it in two, declaring that she was against anything Trump was associated with.
“If Trump is for the Bible, then I am against it,” she said as she struggled to rip the Bible in half. Finally, aides came to intervene, pre-ripping the spine of the Bible so it would be easier for her to tear. “All the books of the Bible are bad: Genesis, Joseph, the one with the big fish, even Hezekiah. We must stand against Trump’s bigotry by ripping up anything he claims to be for.”
“Yass, queen! Slay!” shouted her fans at the press conference as she finally managed to rip the Bible up. “You’re my president!”
In a genius move, Trump then held up a Koran in front of a mosque, forcing Pelosi to tear up a Koran and alienate the left.